Of Silhouettes and selflove
I have a love hate relationship with the mirror. As a matter of fact, before my Natural Hair Journey, I never really used a mirror in my life. Mirrors to me were (kinda are) those annoying things that just had to remind you that you had a million and one spots on your face and would quickly reduce your self confidence level to -66%. So I generally avoided them. I never even looked at my reflection in the many glass-coated buildings in town, and whenever I did, the sight of my “fat” legs would quickly remind me why I never liked mirrors.
You see I am a pear shape… usually this shouldn’t be a problem except when your hips and waist decide to be inches apart in circumference… and when all authority in heaven and earth (as far as hips are concerned) were dumped on you in a rather unfair manner. I say unfair because everyone in my house is small and then there is me.
So while I should have been celebrating the curves that the LORD had made, I was busy lusting after small bodies. I was surely not eating all the food in the house and finishing for my sisters (why do people say this again? It is not kind at all! REALLY HURTS BTW!!). So I grew to dislike myself a lot and mostly thrived on a make believe world … something I still fight to date.
So last week I went to a place that is almost Limuru to baby sit my little nieces (and boy don’t they have interesting stories though). By the way I am an official baby sitter in case you need someone to stay with your kids, I have not been home for almost a month #outonbabysittingduties. (just email me!) So back to Limuru, it is so far from the road, you literally need to think twice before you embark on a journey to town.
Technically my life slowed down, thus I had time to think about a lot of things. Also I have my own ensuite bedroom which means my life is complete without necessarily stepping out of the room. Also, I could prance around naked or minimally clothed without a problem. Since the kids were out in school for most of the day, bedroom was my chill spot. There was a catch though… the MIRROR! It is right at the door between the door of the bathroom and the main bedroom door. So guess what! You have to see your unattractive self as it were every time you use the passages.
So for the past one or so week, I have been staring at this girl in the mirror. I have inspected her, criticised her, hated her, wished I could change just about everything… and finally learning to embrace her and love her. I have learnt to take care of her, to see those fat legs and be like…” they are mine”… to see that tummy and be like “we love you and we want to trim you”…. To see those thighs and be like “you are bae”… Just to love that body. So to endorse the self love body positive vibes, I decided to take some silhouette pics… just blurring out details and enjoying her form.
Maybe you should try mirror, or not… perhaps silhouettes… whatever you do, I hope you look at you and are like… “I’m dashing!!” If not, work your way there… whatever it takes!!!
Love and love
Nyake.